GoodBye

I see him.

He’s 50 feet away to my left. His blond locks glisten under the flashing rainbow lights. He shakes his head, letting the water droplets fly around him. The tattoos covering his arm wink at me, stretching taut on every muscle along his arm. He’s been working out again.

I didn’t want our reunion to begin here. All these people make the day less memorable. A girl with long dark hair—just like mine—drapes herself around him; she’s thin, and nothing else about her is noteworthy. She thinks she is his fiancée. I want nothing more than to show her how wrong that assumption is. He will never be hers. She leans over and whispers into his ear.

The loud techno music pulsates through the air, devouring his laugh. His smile grows before he hungrily kisses her. I don’t know why he keeps leading her on, making her believe their connection is real.

I need to remind him that she is just someone to pass the time with.

DJ Something hypes the crowd with a long build-up followed by a disappointing drop. They scream and cheer, pumping their arms hard into the air. One by one, each person is affected by the alcohol, stumbling into one another and spilling the contents of their drink on the floor. Some other chick trips into his back and throws her head back, manically laughing towards the night sky. Miss Random wore a two-piece bikini that barely even covered her lady bits. He graciously keeps her from falling on her ass: his hand slides too low for comfort, and his fingertips brush along the bottom of her bikini. His shoulders bounce up and down about an inch from the impact, politely smiling at her. He is just that nice.

I have to wait for the allotted time of our meeting—our reunion. I shake my leg up and down, keeping up with the beat of the music. My watered-down drink sits on the table in front of me. The seat cushions dented from my frame. I didn’t wear a swimsuit. I have to dress up at least a little. The skirt of my dress opens and closes around my knees, causing a draft to flow through it; the slight coolness of the breeze slithers up the bodice. This dress is similar to an old favorite of his.

The bimbo finally leaves, blending into the crowd, and Julian immediately returns to canoodling with his so-called fiancée. She kisses him back before making her way toward the pool.

I check the time on my phone.

10:45 PM.

So close. I can’t wait to wrap my arms around him once more. Eight years have passed since the last time I saw him. We couldn’t be together until now.

Five more minutes before I can make my way to him.

I stand, slowly walking in his direction. A hard, wet body bumps into my back, making me lose my footing, and the palms of my hands slap against the concrete. My hip throbs from the force of hitting the ground. As I look up, the guy covers his mouth in surprise before yelling his apology.

“I am so sorry!” The guy kneels to my level. The flashing lights deepen the shadows on his face. “Here, let me help you,” he tries to help, but his grip is weak and cannot handle my weight.

I shake him off lightly, “That’s okay. Thank you.”

I glance over to our meeting spot, sighing in relief to see his back turned away. Good, he didn’t watch my embarrassment.

I nod to the drunk guy in the reassurance that I am fine before he stumbles into more people and jumps into the pool.

Does Julian still wear the cologne that I bought him for Christmas? Step. Will he remember? Step. Our promise? Step.

He walks away from his group with his gaze away from me. I tap his shoulder before he passes me by. He stops mid-stride and does a double take. The night sky and flashing lights hide the color of his eyes, but I know they are still steel blue.

He squints at me and says, “Sierra?”

I move closer to him, “Missed me?” I flutter my lashes, smiling at him, trailing my fingertips down his arm. He flinches away from my touch.

“What are you doing here?” He narrows his eyes at me, and those beautiful lips form a scowl, “You’re not welcome.”

I drop my hand, his words burning me to my core. How could he say that? He can’t mean it.

“Julian. Our promise.”

His eyes narrowed into slits, “That was a kid’s promise. It wasn’t real, Sierra.”

My mouth falls open, quickly closing, and his piercing blue eyes cut through me. His frown makes the crow’s feet around his eyes grow deeper. He doesn’t look like the nineteen-year-old boy I remember from all those years ago–sunspots scatter all over his face.

He promised.

We promised that we would find each other again.

He promised now would be our time.

“Come on, Julian, stop joking around.” My hand reaches for him again. He recoils away from me.

“How the hell did you even know I would be here? Are you stalking me?!” Julian hisses at me. The muscles along his jaw line clench and unclench, his fists stiff and balled up at his sides.

Red, green, and blue strobe light lasers bounce around us, “You promised, Julian, this is our time to be together, and nothing is in our way.” My heart tightens. How could he pretend our relationship isn’t real? Pretend to be ignorant of my commitment to him.

“You’re fucking delusional, Sierra! We were teenagers when we made that stupid promise. It wasn’t anything serious! We’re adults now with our own separate lives.” He starts raising his voice to the point even the music doesn’t dare drown him out.

“You got to live your life! We grew up, and now we are ready to be together because our lives were apart from each other for so long. You said once you got out of active duty and settled with work, we will find each other on this day!” My tone begins to match his. We glare at each other, and our bodies lean forward, closing the distance he said he wanted.

“Jesus fucking Christ! Why would you ever take that seriously? Not once did we communicate as to where our reunion would take place. Why did you come here? You’re watching me, and you probably know I am with someone. Whom I’m going to marry!” A fire deep in his glare ignites my anger.

“Are you fucking kidding me? After all that we had been through and vowing to give ourselves a real chance to be together, you’re saying that was never real, to begin with? So, you never fucking loved me? Is that what you mean? You just wanted to get away from me. Away from the mistake we made together.” I poked his chest hard, “That’s fucking bullshit! I know it’s all bullshit, Julian. We almost had a family! And you’re the one who didn’t want to fight for our baby. So, how can you stand there and tell me none of it was serious? Like we weren’t real? Like our baby wasn’t real!”

Tears start to prick in my eyes. Of course, he’s lying to me because of his fiancee. She is the reason why he is saying all these mean things.

“Fuck Sierra! How can you going to say some stupid shit about that? We both fucked up. This isn’t just all on me. That’s fucking low of you.” He runs his hand through his hair, stepping away from me again.

People go around us, but one of them starts heading towards us.

“Then why are you saying it wasn’t real!”

A small, dainty, and delicate hand touches Julian’s shoulder.

“Hey babe, everyone’s thinking we should get more drinks—Oh!” Her eyes find mine, “I’m so sorry! I didn’t know you guys were talking. I’m Kiera, Julian’s fiancée.” She gives me a little wave.

I tighten my lips shut, flicking my gaze back to Julians. She and I even had the same facial structure. Our names are ridiculously similar.

Julian leans into her, turning towards her slightly, “Get those drinks. I’m just giving her some directions. I’ll be there in a minute.” Kiera gives him a quick peck on the cheek before leaving.

He continues to watch her to make sure she’s out of earshot.

“We are over Sierra. There will never be an ‘us’ again.” He narrows his eyes at me with pity before running after that girl– the fiancée, who looks just like me.

I rush to my seat and grab a fistful of cash from my stowaway duffle bag. As I speed to the bar, I glance at Julian and see his back. Good.

I slam my hand down onto the bartop and order a drink. “Vodka soda.” My entire body is high on adrenaline. A breeze caressed my damp neck, making me shiver from the sudden chill.

“Rough night?” A male bartender asks, his dark eyes flick to mine.

“You can say that again,” I sigh heavily. “How much money would it take to sell your soul.” I grin at him and then chew on the straw in my drink.

His eyes widen, the shock of my question still processing. His laugh at my joke was pitiful. “Um, I don’t think there is an amount that would make me want to.” He wipes up the already dry bartop.

“Oh, come on, play with me. My boyfriend is cheating on me as we speak. Gosh, he told me he was out here celebrating with a friend.” I pout and sniffle, pretending to hide behind my fingers. I look at him with tears in my eyes, “He’s cheating and resents me for not getting pregnant all these years.”

The bartender looks around, probably trying to find a way out of the conversation. “Man, that sucks. I’m sorry.”

“I just want to get back at him, you know? I want to scare him a little before I dump his sorry ass.” My teeth clench together just for a second. How could Julian do this to me? How could he think we shouldn’t get back together all because of little Miss Kiera?

No customer around, the bartender takes the bait, “Scare him? Girl, how?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Spike his drink a little. He won’t be able to perform if he’s out like a light. And then, when he wakes up, it’s my face he sees instead of bitch he’s cheating with.”

His eyebrows raise, “Wow! That’s a bit far for a prank. Spiking is serious and crazy ass shit.”

“Oh, come on,” I close the distance between us, “it wouldn’t be anything serious! I have his meds that help him sleep. He’s got bad insomnia, and I came to give them to him, but he got spooked.” I down the drink in one gulp before slamming the glass down. “It’s a harmless thing compared to how fucked up he is.”

My eyes glaze over, and I look behind me to see Julian isn’t in sight. A tear falls down my cheek, whipping it away quickly, and from my peripheral, I see the bartender look at me with pity.

“I can pay you,” my voice thick and heavy. “I swear it’s just his prescription.” I pull out an orange and white prescription bottle with Julian’s name.

He looks like he wants to be anywhere else, but he sees the few hundred bills I hid underneath the script, he sighs and says, “Fine, what does he look like?”

I smiled sweetly at him, grabbing his hand and stuffing everything he needed in his palm. His rough hand grabs hold and then slides it into his pocket.

I stay close to the shadows, watching Julian and Kiera meet with their group at the bar. I don’t know how long I stood there, watching them, when Kiera broke from the group, saying her goodnights to everyone and Julian.

Many people start leaving the club for the night. Slowly, I close the distance from Julian at the bar, who sits with one friend.

Julian tries to get the attention of a female bartender but is unsuccessful. The other bartender hurries to Julian, taking his order of Jack and Coke. Julian looks away from the bar, keeping his focus on his friend. His drink sits on a napkin, extra bubbles fizzing at the bottom of the glass.

The guy behind the bar nods his head up and down slightly, his shoulders tight. The signal. He did it.

Julian toasts his friend in jest before downing his drink. He wipes the corners of his mouth with his hand. Now, all I have to do is wait.

The club becomes more and more deserted. An hour ticks by, and Julian is finally alone at the bar. His friend left with a girl, leaving Julian to himself. He sways back and forth in his chair slightly. He stands up, and his balance starts to waver. He takes a few steps towards the exit before one of his knees buckles under his heavy weight. He catches himself, continuing to leave slowly. I stride forward to him. He rubs his face with his hand when I step beside him and bump into his shoulder. I hear him take a deep inhale of my perfume.

His eyes glance at me blurrily, “Kiera, you didn’t have to come down to get me. I was just on my way up.” He rubs his eyes, “I didn’t plan to drink much after you left, but I think I overdid it.”

I don’t reply, instead, I grab his arm and put it over my shoulders. He leans into me, letting me take some of his weight. His movements become more sluggish when we get to the elevator. I’m practically carrying him when we get inside.

“I don’t mean to be too heavy, baby. We’ll just go to bed,” Julian slurs out. He rolls his neck around, trying to hold his head up.

My finger jams on the eleven.

It is a slow walk—or drag—to my room not due to Julian’s added weight but the bag I brought with me. Julian doesn’t say anything else as we make it through the door. I guide him to the chair in between the bed and the TV. He slumps down, his body almost toppling forward and out of the chair. I push my shoulder into his chest and settle him in the seat.

He snores a little with his head dangling down. I’m tying the last bit of rope into a knot when he sharply inhales a breath. I look into his eyes. He blinks once, twice before really focusing on my face.

“What the fuck?” He’s still slurring. The pills haven’t worn off, at least.

He grits his teeth, trying to will his body to pull against the rope, but he doesn’t move an inch.

He groans, “Who are you?” I still say nothing.

I flick on the light closest to the door and dig into the bag, metal clinks, and clangs together as I try to find one particular item.

“Sierra?” He chokes out.

“Who else could it be? You’re so-called fiancée?” I pull two things from my bag, shoving an item under my armpit and holding the other with my right hand, “What’s her name again? Kiera? I can’t believe you tried to make me think you still didn’t love me.”

I kneel before him, looking into those beautiful blue eyes, “She fucking looks like me, Julian! Why be with her when you can have the real thing? You already promised to love me and spend the rest of your life with me even if we grew up apart.” Gently, I put the item in my hand down next to me.

“You’re fucking crazy,” James spits a little, trying to get the words out. Every bit of his body must feel so heavy right now.

“No, I’m dedicated,” I grab his ring finger. A glint of silver mocks me, “especially when it comes to you!” I snap the bolt cutters down; the bone snips off beautifully. He wails, but the sound isn’t strong enough to echo out. The cutters slip out of my hand and onto the floor.

Tears stream down his face, and his head lulls to the side. The tips of my fingers caress his chest, sliding down to his left peck. I tap the area twice before stabbing him with the knife.

It is the knife he gave to me all those years ago. His body twitches and jolts as I take out the blade and then slam it back in. His warm blood starts to sink into my dress. I drag the blade down jaggedly. Blood slides down my hands and arms.

I couldn’t make the perfect hole, but it will do. His ribcage is still in the way. Picking up the bolt cutters again, I begin to carve a way to his heart.

I’m drenched in his blood when I finally claw it out of his chest. I cradle it in my hands, keeping it warm between my palms.

I hold his heart close to my chest. Now, he will love me forever. He belongs only to me.

I sway back and forth, clutching onto his love.

We will be together forever,

Always.

Author Bio

Selina is a California native living in Sin City. When she isn't managing Creative Obstructions, she is either working on her writing, playing with her toddler, or having experiences that may or may not contribute to her writing. Follow her on Instagram @thatgirl_selinas